


lost

by jayeinacross



Series: comic drabbles [5]
Category: Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:10:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayeinacross/pseuds/jayeinacross
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They find him on the sandless shore of Utpoia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	lost

**Author's Note:**

> For the comicdrabbles comm prompt 'beach'.

They find him on the sandless shore of Utpoia. Logan will never forget how his eyes were so dull and blank; the knowledge that he might have seen them bright and alive once more will never leave him.

Now Kurt is gone, and Logan's stranded. He left a part of himself on those rocks at Utopia that day, and the waves washed it away.

They burn him. The words of everyone spoken are sincere and true, but they still sound so hollow to Logan, and a part of him dies out with the embers of the fire.

Logan knows that despite what he says, and despite what happened afterward, Hope wasn’t worth it.

Nothing was worth losing Kurt.

Time passes, and he goes on, but Logan never recovers what he lost that day.

And then the Age of Apocalypse taunts him with what everything he wants, dangles it in front of him and snatches it back. It takes away the daughter he never got to have, makes him see yet again the woman he could never touch, and brings him back the man he lost.

Except it’s not his Kurt.

There’s something different in his eyes, something that’s always there, reminding him of what a dark world has done to the best man that Logan has ever known.

Not-his-Kurt goes home with them. It throws Logan, because not-his-Kurt is fixated on revenge, but he still manages to fall into that familiar routine, and then—

He’ll remind Logan that he’s not his friend. He’ll tell him not to call him elf; he’ll make a careless, callous remark; he’ll whip out one of his swords and swing it with cruel precision.

But still, sometimes Logan will reach out to touch, open his mouth to call an affectionate nickname, and every time he has to consciously force himself to stop.

And then the elf – because that’s how Logan will always remember Kurt; whether he call himself Wagner or Darkholme – gives his little speech about protecting human life, and Logan can’t help but smile.

They’ve both loved and lost – Kurt won’t say it, but Logan can tell. And Logan just keeps on losing, because he might not get along with everyone in their X-Force, but nothing ties people together more than life and death, and suddenly Warren’s gone, and Betsy’s gone, and Fantomex is gone—

Maybe Betsy’s right; this is the worst part of himself, and he’ll never get back what he lost that day on Utopia, when he buried his best friend, but maybe it’s not too late to save it.

To save what little of a family that he has left with X-Force, because nothing’s worth losing that again.


End file.
